It's been awhile but I'm still in the game. Let me catch you up.
Mr. Skinny and I definitely were on a date that Friday. We had fun, but he's so awkward and really he's going to have to stay in the friend zone. He's asked me to hang out a few more times but I've been legitimately busy and it just hasn't happened.
Mr. PharmD stopped calling after date two. Not sure why, but I was still dating Mr. Sports so I wasn't really concerned.
Mr. Sports and I ended up dating for about four and a half months- not bad for me actually. However, as we were clearly never exclusive I'm not sure that it counts for anything. Things sorta just ended there too. We had kind of an awkward situation on our last date so I'm not sure if that contributed or not. We're still friends on FB and still comment and or like each other's things but thats about the long and short of it. If he needed a date to a wedding or something I'd say yes but I think it's clear now that he is not looking for anything serious and that I am not willing to push for it with him.
This brings me to Mr. PhysEd. I met him through OkCupid and we met up for drinks and a bite to eat after work one evening. He was nice enough and I enjoyed talking to him but he lacked drive. I need a man who knows where he's going in life even if he's not there yet. He has to have a plan in place! This guy didn't and at a few years older than me that was a definite turn off.
Currently I am communicating with Mr. MBA. I haven't met him yet, but hopefully will this weekend. He is a case of me expanding my dating horizons. He had visited my profile or something like that on OkCupid which alerted me to his presence so I checked him out. He was cute, he was educated, he had a son. Wait, he what? It took me a minute to think whether I should give him a wink or what have you because up until now a kid has been a deal breaker. But I decided I need to be more open and at least let him know I was moderately interested. Well so far so good. I find him interesting and by far the most aligned with my relationship and life goals out of all the guys I've dated in recent history. We've decided that we're going into this assuming things will work well and taking it seriously. This is a new strategy for me but I feel good about it. Our lines of communication are open. So we'll see how our first date goes. Hopefully the chemistry we have online and on the phone is there in person. Time will tell.
Stay tuned for ideas for great dates in Cleveland!
First Dates in 2013: 9
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Monday, August 5, 2013
Dating Multiple People- Why?
I came across this opinion piece and it absolutely resonates with why I'm seeing multiple people all at once. Check it out: 5 Reasons to Date Multiple Men at Once
What are your reasons for dating just one, or more than one person at a time?
What are your reasons for dating just one, or more than one person at a time?
Come on Guys
The more I've dabbled with online dating the more I find myself thinking "COME ON!" to myself as I read terrible profile after terrible profile. So here's a list of tips for guys embarking into online dating. Some of these things might not bother other girls, but I consider myself a pretty normal everyday woman so I'm assuming many do.
1. Women don't trust profiles with no pictures, or even just one picture. We know you don't take as many pictures as we do, but surely you have female friends who have taken a picture of you before? Check your Facebook, find a few pictures that show your face, and preferably at least one full length shot and upload them. If you truly don't have any, make an effort to get some.
2. While on the topic of pictures, if you're over 22 stop with the selfies in the bathroom mirror. If you want to show off your rocking bod find a natural way to do it. Maybe you were on a boat with your buddies, playing beach volleyball, out on a run? We love eye candy too, but we don't want you to seem egotistical about it.
3. This might be personal to me, but honestly I get nothing out of seeing pictures of you with kids that aren't yours. Or frankly even if they are yours because I think it's weird to put pictures of underage people up on dating sites. There are freaks out there. Mention in your profile that you love your kids or your nieces/nephews and we're good.
4. Careful with your username. Don't use it to declare how hot you are or for some cheesy pick-upesque line. Initials and some numbers are fine- boring usernames aren't a deal breaker. Weird ones might be.
5. If you're a dad put down how many kids you have and maybe their ages. I don't need much more than that but there's a big difference between having one 2 yr old and 3 kids in their late teens. No offense.
6. Don't put down your income. If it's low, sorry, I'm probably judging, and if it's high I probably don't believe you. Also, it's really no one's business is it?
7. When listing your occupation I know you're often given broad categories, "education," "legal," or "medical" use the option to give more detail and give more detail. If you work in the mailroom at a law office you are NOT in the legal profession. If you are a medical transcriptionist then yes, you work in medical, but you should clarify you're not a doctor or nurse or pharmacist. It sounds like I'm being picky and maybe I am but I feel lied to if you give me a false impression.
8. We already know you don't want to "play games." Does anyone? Don't state the obvious in your profile. Mention why you've chosen online dating, what you're generally looking for- a relationship, casual dating or what have you, and leave it at that. Some general information about yourself is good. And PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE write in complete sentences with punctuation and proper spelling. I can forgive a mistake or two but I cannot look past someone's profile that reads like, "I am lookin 4 the 1 if u think u r rite for me send me a message" It's terrible and lazy.
9. I'm not a big fan of putting a lot of restrictions on the "your match" or "what you're looking for" section. You seem overly picky and if I don't match those criteria and you messaged me I feel "less than" what you want. Clearly we all have preferences, but I think we've all had instances where we found people interesting that didn't fit our mold perfectly. Be open.
10. Don't just wink and like my pictures. Now that your profile is more female friendly MAN UP and send me a message. We may be online dating but women still want to be pursued. If I wink at you that's likely the closest I'll get to making the first move. Be a man, message me, and before too much time passes. Ask me out.
Well gentlemen, what do you look for in a profile?
Ladies- do you agree? Anything I'm missing?
1. Women don't trust profiles with no pictures, or even just one picture. We know you don't take as many pictures as we do, but surely you have female friends who have taken a picture of you before? Check your Facebook, find a few pictures that show your face, and preferably at least one full length shot and upload them. If you truly don't have any, make an effort to get some.
2. While on the topic of pictures, if you're over 22 stop with the selfies in the bathroom mirror. If you want to show off your rocking bod find a natural way to do it. Maybe you were on a boat with your buddies, playing beach volleyball, out on a run? We love eye candy too, but we don't want you to seem egotistical about it.
3. This might be personal to me, but honestly I get nothing out of seeing pictures of you with kids that aren't yours. Or frankly even if they are yours because I think it's weird to put pictures of underage people up on dating sites. There are freaks out there. Mention in your profile that you love your kids or your nieces/nephews and we're good.
4. Careful with your username. Don't use it to declare how hot you are or for some cheesy pick-upesque line. Initials and some numbers are fine- boring usernames aren't a deal breaker. Weird ones might be.
5. If you're a dad put down how many kids you have and maybe their ages. I don't need much more than that but there's a big difference between having one 2 yr old and 3 kids in their late teens. No offense.
6. Don't put down your income. If it's low, sorry, I'm probably judging, and if it's high I probably don't believe you. Also, it's really no one's business is it?
7. When listing your occupation I know you're often given broad categories, "education," "legal," or "medical" use the option to give more detail and give more detail. If you work in the mailroom at a law office you are NOT in the legal profession. If you are a medical transcriptionist then yes, you work in medical, but you should clarify you're not a doctor or nurse or pharmacist. It sounds like I'm being picky and maybe I am but I feel lied to if you give me a false impression.
8. We already know you don't want to "play games." Does anyone? Don't state the obvious in your profile. Mention why you've chosen online dating, what you're generally looking for- a relationship, casual dating or what have you, and leave it at that. Some general information about yourself is good. And PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE write in complete sentences with punctuation and proper spelling. I can forgive a mistake or two but I cannot look past someone's profile that reads like, "I am lookin 4 the 1 if u think u r rite for me send me a message" It's terrible and lazy.
9. I'm not a big fan of putting a lot of restrictions on the "your match" or "what you're looking for" section. You seem overly picky and if I don't match those criteria and you messaged me I feel "less than" what you want. Clearly we all have preferences, but I think we've all had instances where we found people interesting that didn't fit our mold perfectly. Be open.
10. Don't just wink and like my pictures. Now that your profile is more female friendly MAN UP and send me a message. We may be online dating but women still want to be pursued. If I wink at you that's likely the closest I'll get to making the first move. Be a man, message me, and before too much time passes. Ask me out.
Well gentlemen, what do you look for in a profile?
Ladies- do you agree? Anything I'm missing?
Thursday, August 1, 2013
A History
What has brought me here? Where am I currently in this dating "game?" Let me fill you in.
I renewed my interest in dating in January. Not really a New Year's resolution, but more of a semi-relationship had ended poorly a couple of months earlier, the holidays had calmed down, and I was frustrated at work and wanted some fun back in my life. Enter Match.com.
I started messing around on Match and found this guy who seemed super cute, well educated, and interesting. We'll call him Mr. English. We texted back and forth a bit before deciding to meet. Our text conversations were fun and flirty and I was pumped to meet him. We met, and as soon as he walked in the bar, the chemistry was NOT there. Our conversation was fine, we did have things in common to talk about but there was no spark. We hugged it out and I'm pretty sure we both knew that was the end of that as I never heard from him again.
Then, right after that, a guy I knew casually decided to ask me out. This, is Mr. Abs (his body was sculpted). This was unexpected but I thought I'd take the risk. And, I'm glad I did. We had several fun dates involving live theater, live comedy, dinners, movie nights etc. We ended up dating for a few months. Then he wanted to slow things down and we went to more of a seeing each other occasionally thing.
In between seeing Mr. Abs casually I met another guy off of Match, Mr. Art. Very much like Mr. English, something was off from the start of the date. It wasn't terrible, and there was slightly more potential than Mr. English, but it was a little eh. I commented to friends later that if he called and wanted a second date I'd be down to give it a shot, but I certainly wouldn't be disappointed if he never called again. He never did.
Sometimes when I'm the busiest in my life I think it's the best time to actively pursue guys. Silly, I know. May and June were incredibly busy for me so I clearly started communicating with a few people on another dating site, OkCupid. Two guys immediately struck me as interesting and I decided to give them both an equal chance.
First I met Mr. Tall, at 6 ft 3 he was tall, cute, and just a tiny bit awkward. He was very nice and easy to talk to. Then, I met, Mr. Sports. Mr Sports was more outgoing and was also easy to talk to. So I continued to see both of them. Pretty equally. I figure(d) that if/when one of them did something that made me realize there was no potential I'd cut them loose. After about 7 dates with each Mr. Tall stopped asking me out. Not sure why, but I'm absolutely OK with it.
This brings me to now. I'm still seeing Mr. Sports. I recently met Mr. PharmD, from OkCupid, for the first time. I also just met Mr. Smokes (usually a deal breaker but he's promised not to around me) through friends, and I'm taking a single guy friend Mr.Skinny to an event on Friday.
Mr. Sports definitely has a leg up because I've been seeing him the longest, but I don't know really what his thoughts are on taking this to the next level and I'm not rushing him. Mr. PharmD and Mr. Smokes have clearly earned second dates so we'll see how that goes. Mr. Skinny? I honestly have no idea if he thinks of Friday as a date or not but I doubt we could actually date though stranger things have happened.
What do you think- is it wrong to be dating multiple people? Does it muddy the waters? Is this a good way to really choose the one you want to be with instead of being with the most convenient? (To be clear, dating does not mean whoring around. Though would it matter if it did?)
First Dates in 2013: 7
I renewed my interest in dating in January. Not really a New Year's resolution, but more of a semi-relationship had ended poorly a couple of months earlier, the holidays had calmed down, and I was frustrated at work and wanted some fun back in my life. Enter Match.com.
I started messing around on Match and found this guy who seemed super cute, well educated, and interesting. We'll call him Mr. English. We texted back and forth a bit before deciding to meet. Our text conversations were fun and flirty and I was pumped to meet him. We met, and as soon as he walked in the bar, the chemistry was NOT there. Our conversation was fine, we did have things in common to talk about but there was no spark. We hugged it out and I'm pretty sure we both knew that was the end of that as I never heard from him again.
Then, right after that, a guy I knew casually decided to ask me out. This, is Mr. Abs (his body was sculpted). This was unexpected but I thought I'd take the risk. And, I'm glad I did. We had several fun dates involving live theater, live comedy, dinners, movie nights etc. We ended up dating for a few months. Then he wanted to slow things down and we went to more of a seeing each other occasionally thing.
In between seeing Mr. Abs casually I met another guy off of Match, Mr. Art. Very much like Mr. English, something was off from the start of the date. It wasn't terrible, and there was slightly more potential than Mr. English, but it was a little eh. I commented to friends later that if he called and wanted a second date I'd be down to give it a shot, but I certainly wouldn't be disappointed if he never called again. He never did.
Sometimes when I'm the busiest in my life I think it's the best time to actively pursue guys. Silly, I know. May and June were incredibly busy for me so I clearly started communicating with a few people on another dating site, OkCupid. Two guys immediately struck me as interesting and I decided to give them both an equal chance.
First I met Mr. Tall, at 6 ft 3 he was tall, cute, and just a tiny bit awkward. He was very nice and easy to talk to. Then, I met, Mr. Sports. Mr Sports was more outgoing and was also easy to talk to. So I continued to see both of them. Pretty equally. I figure(d) that if/when one of them did something that made me realize there was no potential I'd cut them loose. After about 7 dates with each Mr. Tall stopped asking me out. Not sure why, but I'm absolutely OK with it.
This brings me to now. I'm still seeing Mr. Sports. I recently met Mr. PharmD, from OkCupid, for the first time. I also just met Mr. Smokes (usually a deal breaker but he's promised not to around me) through friends, and I'm taking a single guy friend Mr.Skinny to an event on Friday.
Mr. Sports definitely has a leg up because I've been seeing him the longest, but I don't know really what his thoughts are on taking this to the next level and I'm not rushing him. Mr. PharmD and Mr. Smokes have clearly earned second dates so we'll see how that goes. Mr. Skinny? I honestly have no idea if he thinks of Friday as a date or not but I doubt we could actually date though stranger things have happened.
What do you think- is it wrong to be dating multiple people? Does it muddy the waters? Is this a good way to really choose the one you want to be with instead of being with the most convenient? (To be clear, dating does not mean whoring around. Though would it matter if it did?)
First Dates in 2013: 7
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Hello
Hi there. I am The Cleveland Dater. Typing that sounds a bit self-absorbed as if I'm the ONLY person dating in Cleveland but really I'd just like to blog anonymously for the time being. I'm a 29 year old female in Cleveland who is trying to find a lasting relationship.
I am not however in a race to the altar, nor do I have a ticking biological clock. I'm just ready to introduce a relationship into my life.
Come with me as I navigate the dating waters here in Cleveland. I'll post my adventures and misadventures as well as all the great date ideas I come across but alas may not end up participating in! Hopefully we can learn from each other as this project evolves.
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